Learning Curve
by leaptad
Summary: Nessie leaves Jacob and the other vampires to attend a boarding school and discovers her own limits
1. Chapter 1

**1**

Bella was curled up against Edward's chest reading a book. Night had fallen and, although they were both impervious to the cold, a fire crackled in their small cabin giving it a warm and inviting feel. Edward smiled at his wife. "They're coming."

She set aside her book and grabbed a towel that was lying nearby. Edward opened the front door and a huge reddish brown wolf was coming up the path. On his back lay a human figure. Nessie rode the wolf as if he were a horse. Her legs straddled him and her torso was stretched out along his strong back. Her arms lay slack against his sides. She did not need to hang on; he wouldn't let her fall. Her long blonde curls spilled around his neck. From outward appearances she looked to be about 14, but her actual age was closer to 4.

"Hey, Jake," whispered Bella, giving the wolf's cheek a kiss.

Edward pulled the sleeping girl from his back and cradled her. She smiled sweetly, curling up against her father. Edward's mind became full of an image of Nessie and Jacob on top of a cliff. Nessie looked entirely too grown up in the two-piece swimsuit her mom had bought her. Nessie was on Jacob's wolf back. He charged forward over the cliff and they tumbled head over feet into the churning water below.

"What did they do today?" asked Bella.

"Cliff diving," Edward responded, leaving out the details. He was never sure if the images Nessie showed him were depictions of actual events or embellishments meant for a daughter to use to torture her father. He carried her down the hall to her bedroom, slipped off her shoes and placed her gently on the bed. She instinctively curled into a small corner, making herself as little as possible.

Bella wiped the mud from Jacob's paws and let him pad down the hall. He arrived at the door where Edward stood and climbed into the bed next to Nessie. Jacob's wolf form was so large that one of his hind legs dangled off the edge. In a gesture that was familiar from when Nessie was a baby, she grasped one of Jacob's ears, rubbed the rough fur between her thumb and first finger, and drifted off to sleep.

"Let's go," whispered Edward and led his wife back to the front room. "That swimsuit you got Nessie, don't you think it's a bit…much?"

"You don't like it?" giggled Bella.

"I liked the one-piece," he answered.

"The pink one with a picture of The Little Mermaid on it? That one doesn't fit anymore." She pushed her husband down on the couch and crawled on top of him. "You, my friend, have got to face facts. You are the 19 year old father of a 14 year old."

"You mean I'm a 90-year-old 17-year-old who's the father of a teenage 4-year-old," he corrected.

She thought about that for a minute. "I think that's right. Anyway, you're very handsome," she purred.

Their lips pressed against each other. He slid his fingers through her soft hair. Since neither of them slept, they did not need to rush anything. They had all night. So they took their time, stroking each other, lingering on each kiss. Then suddenly Edward pushed her off of him and hopped off the couch. His brow was furrowed and his mouth turned down at the corners. He stormed to Nessie's room in two steps and threw the door open. Jacob turned and looked at Edward through sleepy wolf eyes. Edward grasped the skin on the back of Jacob's neck. "Out!" he snarled.

The wolf allowed himself to be led through the house. Bella sat on the couch, her mouth slack with surprise. She had never seen Edward act this way.

"Daddy!" called Nessie, tagging behind them. "Please!"

Edward opened the front door and gave Jacob a small push through it. Jacob took a few steps into the darkness and then phased to his human form. "I didn't do anything," he protested, confused.

"Renesmee! I can't believe you were having a sex dream about Jacob!" Edward bellowed at his daughter, and then realized what he had said just a second too late. Being able to hear people's thoughts came with a responsibility not to disclose the more intimate details. He had kept Jacob's secrets all the time before Nessie was born. He kept people's fantasies, their selfish thoughts, to himself. But for his own daughter he had just exposed her most intimate dream not only to her mother, but to the subject of that dream.

Nessie looked like she had been slapped. "Nessie, I'm sorry," he said. "That was out of line."

"I hate you," she thought at him and stormed back to her room, fuming. She slammed the door shut.

Nessie could hear her mother following her down the hall. There was a soft tap at the bedroom door. "Nessie, sweetie, can I come in?"

"No!" Nessie shrieked. She threw open her closet and pulled out a backpack she used when she and Jacob went hiking and began throwing some clothes inside.

"Watcha doin'?" came Jacob's voice. He was in a tree looking down, speaking to her through the open window. She imagined he had gone there to watch over her while she slept. He was much too far away for a human to be able to hear him, but Nessie had no trouble, which also meant neither did her parents. She didn't care; let them listen.

"Packing. I want to get out of here. Let's just go."

"Go where?"

"I don't care. Your house, I guess." Ever since Jacob's sister, Rachel, had married Paul, a member of Jacob's pack, Nessie had used her old room for overnights. Billy, Jacob's father, still insisted she have her own room even though Jacob and Nessie always ended up curled together in one bed. "Just away from the spy," she said.

"Your dad isn't a spy. He can't help his ability any more than you can change who you are."

"You're taking his side?" Nessie demanded.

"I'm always on your side, Nessie," Jacob said. "But part of that is not letting you make crazy decisions. Your dad is sorry, so just forgive him."

Nessie threw the backpack over her shoulder. "I'm leaving anyway," she said and began to climb out the open window.

"You're not going anywhere," Jacob sighed. "Just go back to bed. I'll be out here. I'll see you in the morning." Nessie stared daggers at him. Jacob lifted his eyebrows, trying to call her bluff. "I'm not letting you leave. Your place is here, with your parents. And mine, apparently, is out here in this tree." He patted the branch as if it were a pillow.

"That doesn't look very comfortable," she grumbled.

"If I can see you, I'm comfortable," he said and stretched out on the branch.

Nessie let the backpack slip to the floor. "All right," she said, grudgingly. She crawled back into the bed, pulling the covers up over herself. She could still feel her rage and embarrassment about what her father had done. It stung the backs of her eyes, and felt like a fire in her stomach. For tonight she would stay here, but the truth was, she had to get out somehow.


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

When Nessie woke up, it was just past dawn and the morning sky was heavy with the rain that was threatening to fall. Jacob was still outside her window on his branch, looking decidedly precarious. He opened his eyes when he heard her stirring. She closed the curtain and changed into some clean clothes, and then climbed out onto the lawn. She didn't want to bother facing her mother and father. She had heard them talking most of the night about what had happened and what they should have done. She had finally drifted off after listening for a long, long time.

Jacob hopped off the branch and landed easily on his feet. He stretched and they fell into step with each other, heading instinctively towards the La Push beach. They didn't speak until they were out of earshot and, more importantly, out of range of her father's telepathy. She slipped an arm around his waist, pulling herself against his side. Jacob suddenly started to feel uncomfortable. They had walked like this countless times before, every day probably since she was born, but today it felt much more intimate. It felt different.

Jacob had realized how great Quil and Claire had it early on. Quil got spend years watching Claire grow and enjoying, even reveling, in her at every age. For a brief time, Claire and Nessie had been best friends. They had chased Quil and Jacob around in the waves, played mermaids, applied makeup to one another, everything little girls did. But now as Claire was just in second grade and a Brownie Girl Scout, Nessie was already a teenager. It didn't seem fair. He knew, of course, that Claire would continue to age and Quil would age right along with her; they had a fixed number of years and then they would both be gone. Jacob and Nessie would never age and could spend lifetime after lifetime together. But she only got this one small shot at childhood.

But just as Nessie had outgrown Claire, she had outgrown Jacob as her giant pet dog, licking her face and racing her up and down the beach. He had noticed the swells of her breasts, her flat stomach, her soft pink lips, but he still tried to think of her as his little sister and best friend. He wasn't quite ready to be Edward and Bella's son in law.

"I meant what I said last night," Nessie said as they walked. "About leaving."

"So you're going to go to New Hampshire?" he asked.

Four years ago, the entire coven had been planning to leave Forks so that Bella could attend Dartmouth. People had begun to question the fact that Carlisle wasn't aging and there was the issue of Bella's transformation. That situation had changed when Nessie was born and Jacob had imprinted on her, and they had chosen to stay put for a while longer. It was simply no longer an option to stay. It was time to move on.

Since Bella's acceptance at Dartmouth was still valid, the logical choice had been for them to move to New Hampshire. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett had already gone and found them a place to live. But Nessie had refused to leave Jacob and Edward and Bella had stayed with their daughter, so Esme and Carlisle had stayed as well. It was time for the coven to come back together. Being separated like this was not good for anyone.

Up until now, Nessie had not made a decision about what she was going to do. Jacob wanted her to move in with him and Billy so they could be together. Bella and Edward wanted Jacob to move with them. Jacob knew his place was with the pack, but he also knew that neither he nor Nessie could tolerate being apart.

They sat down on the sand with their backs against an old driftwood log. The wind whipped her blond curls around her face. "You're sure you don't want to move in me and my dad?" Jacob asked. He picked up a few rocks from the sand and tossed the absently towards the water.

She smiled at him. "I had something else in mind," she said. "What if you and I got our own place?" Jacob felt his heart begin to race. This conversation had not taken a good turn.

Jacob scrubbed his face with his hands. Why on earth did she have to move so fast? What was the rush? "Come on, Nessie," he said. "That's crazy."

Nessie's face fell. She moved slightly away from him, hurt. "Don't you love me?" she asked quietly.

"Of course I do," he said. "But not…like that."

He could see the pain in her eyes. He realized he might as well have punched her in the stomach. "You still think I'm a kid," she said, her voice cracking.

"It's not that. It's just that, we're not ready for something like that. I'm not ready. You're definitely not ready."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Nessie demanded. "How do you know what I'm ready for and what I'm not ready for? What? You read minds now too?"

"Okay, calm down," Jacob said. He reached out to touch her arm, but she snatched it away.

"So everyone just wants me to be a little kid? You, my dad….just sit in your room, Nessie, and play with your Barbie dolls," she said. "I'm not a child, Jacob," she said solemnly. She looked at him for a moment, screwing up her determination. Jacob held still, not sure what she was planning on doing.

Then she got on her knees, swinging one leg over his lap, and pressed her body against him. She lowered her mouth over his. Jacob could smell her sweet scent, could feel her soft curls tickling his cheeks. Her lips were warm and inviting. He had to decide what he was going to do. If he gave in and wrapped his arms around her, things would never be the same between them. If he pushed her off, she would feel rejected. She formed an image in his mind of the two of them in a bed making love, their bodies covered in sweat.

Jacob put his hands on either side of her hips and firmly pushed her off onto the sand. She sat staring at him, stunned at his rejection. "It's not that I don't want to," he said. "You're just not ready," he offered.

"Are you still in love with my mom?" she demanded.

A laugh escaped Jacob's throat, not because she had said anything funny, but just because his feelings for Bella had changed so completely that she might have well had asked if he had the hots for his own grandmother. "No," he said, smiling and shaking his head. "Come on, you know there's no one else."

"So," she said, "you're not in love with someone else. You're just not in love with me."

Jacob opened his mouth to protest but Nessie just stood up, brushed the sand from her hands and pants and set off back in the direction of her home. Jacob sat there, not sure whether he should follow her and try to explain, when she didn't appear to be listening or just let her go. He decided to let her go. Hopefully once she had calmed down a bit they could have a real conversation.


	3. Chapter 3

Nessie was pouting. One did not need to have Edward's mind reading ability to think so. She sat at the table with her arms folded. Jacob sat next to her.

After the beach, Nessie had not spoken to him for two days; those had been two excruciating long days. Jacob had called, stopped by, banged on her window…anything to try and get close to her. She had finally come to his house, they had embraced and had been able to resume their friendship, but it wasn't the same. She seemed so distant. From then on, they spent most of their time with other members of the pack. Being alone together had somehow become uncomfortable. It had occurred to Jacob that Nessie was probably spending time with him because she had no one else to be with. He had never really considered exactly how isolated and alone she was. She couldn't really be seen or known to anyone in the community with her accelerated growth; there would simply be too many questions. She had the coven and the pack and beyond that, no one.

Now she sat at the large dining room table in the Cullen home looking miserable and morose. She sat at the foot of the table, directly across from her grandfather, Carlisle, who was at the head of the table. Nessie was flanked by her mother and Jacob; Carlisle by Esme and Edward.

"So, you've decided to come with us to Dartmouth?" Carlisle asked her.

"No. I don't want to go," she said, flatly.

"Really?" Jacob said, pleasantly surprised. "You can stay here. If you don't want to stay at my house, Sam and Emily have already agreed to let you stay with them."

Carlisle nodded approvingly. "That sounds like it will work out, then."

"Nope," Nessie said. "I am not going to go from being sheltered and hidden in that cottage," she waved a hand towards her parents' home, "to being sheltered and hidden at Sam's house."

"Then what, exactly, do you propose?" asked Bella, trying to be patient with her daughter.

" I don't want to live in La Push. I don't want to go to Dartmouth. And I don't want to stay here. What I want is to go away somewhere else. I want to go away to school."

Everyone looked stunned for a moment. Finally Carlisle interjected. "You know you can't go to school, you are still growing too fast."

"No I'm not," she replied. "If I go away for one semester, I won't change that much. If anything, people will just think I went through a growth spurt."

Bella's eyes went from Jacob to Nessie. "What exactly do you mean by "away"to school?" she asked.

"Boarding school," Edward said. He had declined to comment up until this point. He had known about his daughter's plan, having read it in her mind, but she had asked him with her thoughts not to tell anyone and he had agreed. It seemed the least he could do after betraying her confidence so completely by blurting out to Jacob exactly what she had been dreaming that night.

"Boarding school?" Bella gasped. "Are you kidding me?" She paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts. "Jacob can't go away to boarding school. He has responsibilities to the pack."

"Sam could take over the pack for a while," Jacob offered.

"Okay, you guys are not getting this," Nessie said. "I want to go AWAY to school. Away from you," she indicated everyone at the table, "away from Jacob, away from everything. Think of it like this. At one point my dad left the family, right? He left because he wasn't sure this vegetarian life was for him. Well, that's what I want. A chance to decide what I want. I mean, you guys have eternity all sewn up for me. Don't I get to try anything on my own?"

Bella looked at her husband. He sighed. "I don't know," he said. "She's kind of got a point. I did have a chance to decide what I wanted. I think she deserves the same opportunity."

"So you are okay with this?" Bella demanded. Edward held up his hands as if he didn't know what to do. "She is four years old!"

"I know exactly how old she is," Edward responded.

Bella sat, deflated, for a moment. She looked at Carlisle. "What do you think?"

"I do agree that she has been very isolated for a long time. I think that she hasn't had a lot of opportunities to make her own decisions. And I think that this could be good for her."

Bella sighed. "But I don't want my baby to leave me," she said. She turned to her daughter. "You really want to do this? Maybe we could find a school for you to attend in New Hampshire."

"Mom," Nessie said, "I can't choose this life unless there is something for me to compare it to. You had a choice and you chose this. That's all I want."

Nessie pushed a brochure across the table to her mother. "Annie Write School?" Bella read aloud. Nessie nodded.

The brochure was passed around the table. "If we agree to this," Carlisle said. "There have to be rules. And the first one is: no hunting."

Nessie nodded enthusiastically.

"I'm serious," Carlisle continued. "No one can think that you are anything but a normal girl. You eat their food. If you go sneaking off into the woods at night or they find any dead animals, it could set off alarm bells and you won't have anyone there to help you."

"Absolutely," Nessie agreed eagerly. "Only human food. I got it."

"You can't go out for any sports or display any aptitude at all in PE. No cheerleading, no dance team, no gymnastics…nothing like that. You have to stay out of trouble. No drawing attention to yourself."

"Can I try out for the school play?" Nessie asked.

Carlisle considered it. "Um…sure. I guess that would be okay. But keep a low profile. No showing off. And under no circumstances are you to use your ability. Can you agree to all that?"

"No problem. Got it. Just a regular, human girl."

"Promise me," Carlisle said.

Nessie looked him into his eyes. "I promise."

"I hate the idea of you moving away without Jacob," Bella said.

"Believe me," Nessie replied, taking her mom's hand, "this is going to be the best thing for everyone."


	4. Chapter 4

As Edward drove the stretch of highway east to Tacoma, Bella watched the scenery pass by, lost in her thoughts. Nessie was in the back with Jacob, whose face was twisted with pain. He had tried everything to get her to change her mind, but she had ignored him. She had spent her last few weeks preparing for her time away, excitedly talking about all the friends she was going to make, how she was finally going to get out into the real world. Until now, Nessie's contact with the outside world had been limited to a few trips to town for movies with Jacob.

"Are you absolutely sure about this?" Bella asked, turning in her seat. "Because it's not too late. You can still change your mind."

Nessie grabbed Jacob's arm. "We're here," she squealed. Edward pulled the car in front of her new dorm, joining a line of parents dropping their daughters off. The day was sunny and cool, meaning that Edward and Bella had to stay in the car behind the tinted glass so that no one could see their shimmering skin.

Jacob climbed out of the back seat. Nessie gave her parents hugs and kisses and then followed him out. Jacob hoisted her suitcases onto the sidewalk. "My room is on the third floor," she said, and started into the building. Jacob followed behind, carrying the few possessions she had chosen to bring with her.

The task of teaching Nessie how to act human on a 24-hour a day basis had fallen on Emily. She had started with the basics, making sure she had all the school supplies she needed. Nessie's education had been handled by Carlisle, but concepts such as taking tests and writing book reports were new and Emily had gone over the fundamentals of a traditional education with her. She instructed Nessie to make sure she got at least one answer wrong on all the homework assignments and tests, to stay under the radar. She had packed duplicates of all her clothes in a larger size, just in case she outgrew them. Nessie could switch to the new ones without drawing any attention to herself. At the very bottom of her suitcase, Nessie had packed what Alice always referred to as a "just in case" dress. It was a tight black dress with a pair of matching pumps.

Then Emily moved on to the more personal items, buying her a set of toiletries of which Nessie had no need. They had gone to the drug store and stocked her up on soap and shampoo, toothpaste, a blue toothbrush, deodorant, makeup, and makeup remover. They had gotten a razor and some shaving gel for appearances. Then it occurred to Emily that most of the other girls would probably get their periods at some point. She debated buying Nessie some pads or tampons and letting her fake it once a month, but in end decided it would be much easier to simply explain that Nessie was a late bloomer in that department.

The third floor of Nessie's dorm consisted of one long hallway. The staircase leading to the lower levels was right in the middle. On each end was a bathroom and a window with a sign above it reading, "If opened, alarm will sound. Use only in emergencies." The hallways were bustling with girls moving in their things, and hugging goodbye to their parents. Nessie took it all in with wide-eyed excitement. Her room was to the left of the stairway entrance and three doors down.

Inside they found a young girl putting clothes into the dresser. She was blonde, slightly shorter than Nessie, with tan skin. Her hair was tied up in a pony tail. "Hi!" she said, as the newcomers entered the room. Then her eyes fell on Jacob and gave him an approving slow once-over. "And hi to you," she giggled.

Nessie introduced herself. "Hi, I'm Renesmee, but my friends call me Nessie. This is Jacob." Jacob waved at the girl.

"I'm Sarah," she said. "I guess we're roomies. Oh my God, we are totally going to have the best year. "She ran over to Nessie and gave her a big hug of welcome. Nessie beamed.

Jacob took Nessie's arm and led her into the hallway. "I guess this is goodbye," he said, his voice cracking slightly.

"Oh, come on," she groaned. "I'm not dying. I'll be back before you know it. This place is going to be so cool." She was much too excited to be upset about being apart from him. Jacob decided that was probably okay. He was upset enough for both of them.

Jacob gathered her up in a big hug, pressing her head to his chest with his warm hand. "Don't do this," he whispered in her ear, too low for anyone else to hear.

"I'll see you soon," she whispered back. Then she freed herself from his embrace, went inside the room and shut the door. It took a second before she heard him slowly retreat down the hall.

Sarah's eyes were the size of saucers. "Oh my God!" she squealed. "Is that your boyfriend? He's a total hunk!"


	5. Chapter 5

Bella stared out the window longingly. She wanted to see her daughter's dorm room, but knew she couldn't. All she could do was stare at the door and wait for Jacob to return. With her vampire hearing, she could pick out his footsteps from everyone else's in the building.

He finally returned, and walked to the car slowly as if each step pained him. The look on his face made her think about how much she had hurt him before Nessie was born. Now she could see history repeat itself.

Jacob got in the car and slammed the door. He immediately buried his face in his hands. Bella knew he wasn't crying, but she could see the agony in every muscle in his body.

Edward pulled out of the drive and headed down the road. Bella wasn't sure if she should climb into the backseat with Jacob or not. He looked like a raw nerve, exposed and open to every type of pain. She glanced at her husband who rubbed her leg affectionately, letting her know she should stay where she was.

When they were about a mile away, Jacob abruptly pulled his hands away from his face and glared into the rearview mirror. Edward caught his eye in the mirror, nodded once to some unspoken question, and pulled the car over to the edge of the road. Jacob leaped out and ran into the woods. She saw a streak of reddish brown fur head back in the direction of the school.

Bella knew this was a betrayal of Nessie's trust. She had wanted to do this on her own. At the same time, the knot in Bella's stomach seemed to loosen slightly. If Jacob was with her, she knew nothing bad could happen to her daughter.


	6. Chapter 6

Nessie and Sarah unpacked their things then ventured out of their room to meet the other girls on the floor. Tammy and Skylar lived across the hall and one door down. Tammy was a black girl with long hair braided into cornrows and had a large, open, friendly face. Skylar was more of the athletic type with muscular legs and arms. She was taller than the rest of the girls with shoulder-length brown hair and always seemed to have an expression of intense concentration on her face. Skylar had hung a large poster of Justin Beiber over her bed. Nessie was vaguely aware that he was some sort of singer but her musical tastes had been largely influenced by Jacob and ran more in the heavy metal genre.

"Isn't he gorgeous?" Skylar asked Nessie as she regarded the poster.

"He's okay," Nessie answered.

"Oh my God," Sarah piped up, "he's not half as gorgeous as Nessie's boyfriend."

"You have a boyfriend?" Tammy said, stunned. "I'm not allowed to date until I'm 15."

"No, he's not my boyfriend. He's just, you know, a friend."

"Well, whatever," said Sarah, "he's so hot."

The stab of jealousy that Nessie felt came as a surprise. She wasn't used to having any competition for Jacob. They mostly stayed on the reservation where people understood things like imprinting and on the rare occasion they went into town, they were much too focused on each other to worry over anyone else's reactions. Nessie reminded herself that this was exactly the reason she had decided to come. It was time for her to start paying attention to other people in the world beside just Jacob.

At dinner time the four girls headed over to the cafeteria. "Do you think the food is terrible here?" asked Tammy.

"My sister went here when she was in high school," answered Sarah. "She said it wasn't that bad."

The food was decidedly unappetizing, at least to Nessie, but she was determined to follow Carlisle's rules. She wasn't really sure what an acceptable amount to eat was. No one in her family ate, and Jacob and the other wolves practically inhaled food. The one time Jacob and she had gone to a restaurant, Jacob had eaten his own food and then polished off her untouched plate. Sarah headed over to a salad bar, but Nessie had tried raw vegetables before and found them inedible. She got in line behind Tammy and Skylar for the hot meal, which was identified as Salisbury steak and seemed to consist of some sort of meat with gravy and canned green beans.

The girls all sat down with their trays at a table near the back. The meat actually didn't smell half bad, even if it was over cooked. She scraped the gravy off with her fork and put a bite in her mouth. The girls were all talking about the orientation they would be going to the next morning. Nessie listened as she methodically chewed the bloodless meat.

"Is that all you're eating?" Sarah asked, pointing to Nessie's plate. She had eaten half her meat and only a bite or two of green beans.

"No wonder you are so thin," grumbled Tammy,

"I'm just nervous," Nessie explained. She put her tray on the conveyer belt and followed the girls out of the cafeteria. She had been here less than three hours, and people were already noticing things about her weren't quite right. She resolved to be more on her guard and to work harder to fit in. Step one was to finish everything on her plate.

After dinner, the girls hung out in Skylar and Tammy's room, listening to music and talking about their lives back home. Nessie found herself with very little to contribute to the conversation. They talked about friends; Nessie didn't have any her own age. They talked about school; Nessie had never been. They talked about boys; Nessie had just always had Jacob.

"God," Sarah said, laughing at Nessie. "Did you grow up in a convent or what?"

Nessie just shrugged and explained that her father was just really overprotective which, she thought, might be the understatement of the decade.


	7. Chapter 7

Nessie lay in her bed listening to Sarah's breathing become slow and finally deep and regular. Sarah was asleep. Nessie counted to 1000, making sure that Sarah was deep under. There was no noise in the hallway. She got out of bed, silently pulled on a pair of sweatpants to go with the t-shirt she was sleeping in, and slipped out of the room.

She walked towards the end of the hallway. Anyone seeing her would think she was just heading to the bathroom, but no one was around. She listened for anyone coming from any direction. Everything was still.

Moving quickly, she found the small box on the window frame that triggered the alarm. There was a similar box on the window. As long as they were in contact, everything was fine. But if you opened the window, the contact was broken and the alarm went off. Nessie quickly tugged the wires free from the window frame box. They were soldered in, but Nessie's strength was well beyond any normal human and it came free easily.

She pulled the window open just enough to squeeze through and shut it behind her. The fire escape was old and would rattle against the building no matter how quietly she climbed down, so Nessie leaped off to the dark lawn below. A camera swept the campus. Nessie darted across the area it patrolled, much too quickly for it to pick up, scaled the rock wall surrounding the campus, and slipped into the trees.

She waited in the darkness. She knew he was here and he knew she was here. There was no need to call out or make her presence known. She heard his footsteps and Jacob walked up and stood in front of her. His face was defiant and he crossed his arms in front of himself. But she could see the lack of conviction behind his eyes.

"So, you've been living out here for the past week?" she asked.

"I don't mind," Jacob shrugged.

"You need to leave. I promised Carlisle I wouldn't do stuff like this. I shouldn't even be out here."

He reached out to her, brushing his fingers on her cheek. "Listen, I just want to make sure you're okay."

She pulled away from his touch. "I'm fine," she said. She lifted her arms out to her sides, presenting herself for him to examine. "Look. All in one piece."

"I can't be apart from you," he said.

"Well, you have to try. I'm doing this on my own, without you. So just run along home." She made a shooing gesture with her hands.

Jacob looked away from her. He actually looked like he might cry. "We can't be apart," he repeated, emphasizing each word. "I cannot live my life without you. I'll stay out here, on the edges; you won't know I'm here."

"Of course I'll know you're here," she said. "I can smell you from our room."

"Okay, yeah, but I'll stay out of the way. I won't get involved with anything you do, unless you ask me to. I will have nothing to do with you or anything else that goes on around here."

"No. That wasn't the deal. The deal is that you stay in La Push and I stay here. Jacob, what you don't get is that I'm doing this for us. It will give me a chance to grow up a little so we can start living the kind of life we were meant to live. Like I showed you on the beach."

Jacob remembered the image that she had sent to him of the two of them in bed together. "Nessie, if that's what you want, then fine. We can make love right here in the grass if you want. But we cannot be apart," he pleaded. He reached for her once again and this time she let him hold her.

She looked up at him from the warmth of his arms and shook her head, "That's not what you want. And I don't want it if you don't want it. Once we've been away from each other for a while everything is going to be different." She put her hand on his stomach. "Everything is going to be perfect. You'll see. Just trust me, okay? I have always trusted you." Jacob sighed, looking away from her. "I'm telling you, once and for all, leave. Go away." She caught his eyes. "I don't want you here."

The words cut through Jacob like a knife. She took a step backwards towards the school and Jake let his arms fall to his sides.

"Jake, leave," she said. "I'm not kidding. You are not welcome here. Go back to your life and let me live mine."

Jake's resolve waffled. He wanted to stay, but he knew that she was right; he could never completely hide his presence from her. She'd always know that he had not trusted her enough to leave. He turned, took two steps and phased into a wolf. With one final glance back, Jake began to run the 200 miles back to La Push.

Nessie slipped back into her dorm room the way she had come, shoving the wires back into the window's alarm system. She wasn't sure if it would actually work now, but they tested these things pretty regularly. She figured they'd straighten it out sooner or later.

She climbed back into her bed, pulling the covers over herself. Sarah shifted in her bed and rolled over.

The change was imperceptible, but it was there. Loneliness rolled over her like fog. She was now completely and totally alone. Even though Jake had stayed out of sight, she had felt him, smelled him, and sensed him near her. For the first time in her short life she had no one to bail her out of trouble, no one reading her thoughts, no one watching her sleep. She was just another girl here, no better and no worse. Her bed felt enormous and cold. Tears licked at the back of her eyes. She pulled the covers over her head and breathed slowly, trying to calm herself so that she wouldn't wake Sarah. Why was she upset? Isn't this what she wanted? Isn't this exactly how she had planned it would be?

Okay, you're being stupid, she told herself. She pulled the covers down off her head. Jacob was gone and she was going to do this. Alone. Completely and utterly alone.


	8. Chapter 8

Nessie stared at her plate of food. It had been almost a month since school started. Some of the girls went home on the weekends, but she stayed here. If she saw Jacob, she knew she would never have the strength to leave again. She had three months left in the semester, and she was determined to stick it out. They were serving roast beef tonight, and invariably there was always some that was very rare and still bloody. Nessie always asked for the reddest parts of the meat. It was one of the few foods she actually looked forward to eating. Mostly, though, she ate out of habit.

Between skipping lunch and asking for very small portions, she was able to get down all of her food. She stuck mainly with proteins, having eggs for breakfast and meat for dinner. She ate a small amount of canned vegetables at dinner, but it had become apparent to her that she really wasn't meant to be an omnivore. The problem was that she was never really hungry and yet she was always starving. This food did nothing for her. It might keep her body going in a very basic way: it made her heart beat, it gave her enough strength for gym class, but it wasn't what her body truly needed. She needed blood. She put the thought out of her mind. She had promised Carlisle, and come hell or high water, she was going to keep that promise.

She sliced off another piece of beef and chewed it, trying to get every bit of juice from it. Sarah, Skylar, and Tammy were talking excitedly to one another. As usual, Nessie was a silent tag-along. She was always with them, but hardly ever took part in their conversations. It had become harder and harder for her to communicate with people since Jacob had left. It was as if the part of her that connected her to the outside world also left. She felt like she was in a bubble, watching everyone else live his or her lives.

"What about you, Nessie?" asked Sarah. "You in?"

The girls were planning on sneaking down to one of the big maintenance closets and drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels they had gotten their hands on somehow. "I bought four cans of pop", Tammy whispered, "so we can make Jack and Cokes. They're supposed to be really good."

Nessie smiled. She knew that she had to try harder to be social. She also knew that if she spent another night in her room studying stuff that Carlisle had taught her over a year ago, she'd go bonkers. "Sure," she said, "I'm totally in."

"This is going to be so cool!" Skylar said.

That night, Nessie and Sarah lay in bed, unsleeping, until Sarah's clock hit midnight. "Come on!" Sarah said, giggling.

Nessie kicked off the covers and followed Sarah to the door. Sarah opened it a crack and saw Skylar and Tammy sneaking out of their room. All the girls giggled. Nessie could never believe how much noise humans made.

"Is the coast clear?" whispered Skylar.

Nessie nodded. No one was coming. They tiptoed down the hall to the stairwell and Sarah peeked through the stairwell door. "It's clear," Nessie whispered. She could hear that the only person moving around was two floors up.

"How do you know?" Sarah asked.

Nessie realized that was a mistake. Humans couldn't sense these things. She tried to cover her tracks. "Cause there's never anyone here at this time. I always have to pee at night," she explained.

"Thanks for sharing that, Ness," Skylar teased and the girls giggled again.

They went down the three flights of stairs to the main hallway, then turned right and got to the janitor's closet. Sarah turned the knob easily. "See? He never locks it," she said.

The girls went in. "Where's the light switch?" asked Tammy.

"No lights," Skylar scolded. "They'll see it under the door."

The girls arranged themselves in the middle of the floor and got out the bottle of whiskey. Tammy played bartender and fixed each girl a Jack and Coke, heavy on the Coke and light on the Jack. She passed around the plastic cups. The girls sipped.

Nessie forced herself to swallow the tiny sip she had in her mouth. It burned like fire going down her throat. She had always found soda to be much too harsh and had never been able to understand how Jacob could drink it. But with the alcohol, it was unbearable. It made her throat feel raw and cracked and her head spun, even though she knew that she had not ingested nearly enough to make her drunk.

"It's not too bad," Tammy said.

"I'm going to put in some more coke," Skylar said, topping off her cup. "You want some?" she offered to Nessie.

Nessie opened her mouth to speak and began coughing violently. She put the drink down to keep from spilling it. The other girls giggled. "You're not supposed to chug it!" Sarah said.

Nessie wished she had something to drink to settle her throat. Blood would be ideal, water would be good also, but all that was available was the can of soda. She took the it and had a sip. It was still disgusting, but at least the coughing subsided.

The girls began playing a game of "I never" in which one person would say something they never did and everyone who had done it would take a drink. The game was perfect for Nessie. Since she had never done any of the things the girls were listing, she didn't have to drink any more of the awful concoction.

The game ended when all the other girls' cups were empty. The bottle of alcohol was less than a third gone, but no one dared to keep it in their room, so they dumped the rest of it down the scrub sink and buried the bottle in a large trash can along with their soda cans and cups and then began to sneak back upstairs.

The girls were much louder on the way up, giggling and running into one another, although Nessie suspected that most of it was an affected. Or maybe not. She didn't really know how much alcohol it took for someone to feel drunk. The only people she knew who drank alcohol were Billy, Jacob's father, and Charlie, her grandfather. And those two had been drinking beer for years. Maybe they both had really high tolerances. It didn't matter much, she supposed.

As they climbed the last flight of stairs to their floor, Nessie heard a footstep in the hall outside the door. The girls were all giggling and whispering loudly so Nessie, who was in the rear, swung over the railing and onto the stairs directly below where she had been. She slid up to the doorway and stopped.

The doorway to the third floor stairwell opened. "What are you girls doing?" asked an adult female voice. The girls fell silent. "All three of you, let's go. Now."

She heard the girls begin to descend the stairs again. "Where's Nessie?" Skylar asked.

"Is that alcohol on your breath?" demanded the woman.

Nessie slipped out of the stairwell into the hallway on the second floor as the girls and the teacher passed by. Nessie breathed a sigh of relief. She had stayed out of trouble, which was another of Carlisle's rules. Once everyone was gone, Nessie returned to her room and went to bed.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning, Nessie woke up to find Sarah already up and getting dressed.

"You're up early," Nessie said.

"I have to work the morning breakfast service every day this week," Sarah replied. "'Cause I got caught last night."

"Oh, sorry," Nessie said.

Sarah said nothing but walked out of the room and down the hall. Nessie got the distinct impression that Sarah was mad at her, but she wasn't sure why. She showered, a habit that she had never needed but found quite pleasurable, got dressed and gathered her things together.

She got her standard breakfast of scrambled eggs and a glass of water and sat at a table in the corner by herself. Her stomach was still roiling from the alcohol the night before so she felt even less like eating than she usually did. She put a miniscule bit of eggs in her mouth and chewed slowly.

She sat there for a long time, waiting for her friends to be done with their shift so they could all go to class together. Nessie had French with Tammy, and Skylar and Sarah both had English Lit., which was just one floor down. They always walked as a group.

The three girls were all heading towards the exit. Nessie dumped her tray and hurried to catch up with them. Skylar turned around and glared at her and then elbowed Sarah. "Tell her!" she whispered loudly.

Sarah glanced back at Nessie and then, horrified, at Skylar. "Now?" she asked.

"Yes, now!" Skylar ordered.

Sarah rolled her eyes. She stopped walking and stood facing Nessie while the other two girls walked away.

"So, what exactly happened to you last night?" Sarah demanded.

"Um, I heard the lady coming so I got out of there," Nessie shrugged.

"Didn't you even think about warning us?"

Actually, Nessie thought, no, I really didn't. She was used to being with people who could hear and smell and sense things as well as she could. She wasn't used to being around humans who lived blind to the world around them. "I'm sorry," was all she could muster.

"You know, Skylar and Tammy have always thought you were weird. I've been letting you hang out with us because you're my roommate, but….." she shook her head.

"What are you trying to say?" Nessie asked.

"You can't hang out with us anymore," Sarah answered. "I'm sorry, but you're just too weird. You don't talk, you don't eat, last night you just sat there, and then you didn't even care that we get caught." Sarah shrugged her shoulders. "I'm sorry, but that's how it is." Sarah wouldn't look Nessie in the eyes.

"I said I was sorry," Nessie said, dumfounded.

Sarah studied the floor. "I have to go," was all she said. She scooted off to catch up with her friends. Nessie stood in the middle of the hallway. She couldn't believe that conversation had actually just happened. This was not how things were supposed to go.


	10. Chapter 10

Nessie was dreaming. She was running through the woods with Jacob. He was in his wolf form. They were running faster and faster, racing each other. Jacob sprinted ahead of her, which was strange because he always let her win, and she had to struggle to keep up with him. He was so far ahead she couldn't see him anymore. Where was he? She ran and ran, blindly trying to find his scent and not smelling anything. She finally came to a clearing and he was standing in the middle looking at her, panting. She leaped forward and with a snarl ripped open his skin and began to drink the warm blood there.

Nessie opened her eyes with a jolt and sat straight up in her bed. Sweat stood out in beads on her forehead. What had she just done? It was only a dream, but still…Jacob. Her mouth felt dry and clammy, her throat burned with thirst. She could smell blood, fresh and full of life and energy. Her mouth began to water. The scent was coming from Sarah. She could sense the heat coming from Sarah's neck, right where the jugular vein was, so close to the skin. She could give her a small bite and the blood would trickle down her throat.

Nessie held her breath and ran out of the room, down the hall to the bathroom. She turned on the water and cupped her hands under it and drank it down. She did it again and again, taking in as much as her body would hold. Then she took another handful and rubbed it on her face. She took several deep breaths. At least she couldn't smell the blood of the other girls in here.

She realized this sort of thing was happening entirely too often. The dreams about Jacob always turned to dreams about blood and then she could smell the blood so strong from all the people around her, especially Sarah. And she would have to hide in the bathroom and drink water until it passed. It had gotten so much worse in the month since Sarah and Skylar and Tammy had stopped speaking to her. Not being around them, sitting next to them during meals, studying with them, somehow it was making the blood smell so much more tempting.

She wasn't sure what to do anymore. On the one hand, this was what Jasper lived through every day. He lived with thirst all the time and everyone said it was getting easier for him. Maybe it would get easier for her too. And if I'm going to be around humans, I have to get used to it too, she thought. And, really, she hadn't done anything. She hadn't laid a finger on Sarah. Maybe this was just a rough patch that would pass. She hoped.

She thought about her backpack. Before she had left, Esme had sewn a wad of money into the lining. Nessie wasn't sure exactly how much money was there, but she thought it was close to $3000. It would be very simple for her to go to the train station, catch a train back to Forks and be in La Push in a few hours. Of course, she would have to wait until morning; there were no trains this time of night. Or she could just call Jacob and he would come get her. But either way she would have to admit to Jacob that she couldn't handle this, and she wasn't ready to do that. She didn't want Jacob to think of her as weak. She didn't want to have to rely on him for everything in her life.

She stayed in the bathroom for almost a half hour, until her heart stopped racing. When she went back into her room, she was much calmer and no longer felt like she was going to hurt Sarah. She still hadn't decided what to do: stay or go. Maybe she should call her father and try to get some advice. She had been emailing her parents regularly but all she ever told them was how great everything was and how many awesome friends she had. She never told them about the fact that she ate food she didn't want by herself at a table and went to class and then spent the rest of the time in the library reading and studying by herself. That conversation was going to be unpleasant, to say the least. She felt exhausted. She would figure all this out in the morning. Nessie climbed into bed and went to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning, Nessie was heading off to class, still trying to decide if she should call her father or not when she felt Sarah start walking next to her. Nessie was surprised but kept walking.

"Um," Sarah said meekly. Sarah hardly bothered speaking to her anymore. "There's a big party this weekend, if you want to go."

"Me?" Nessie asked.

"Yeah. I mean, it's going to be awesome. Skylar's older sister's boyfriend lives in town and his friend is having this totally awesome party and Skylar's sister said we could come. So, if you want, you can come." The words tumbled out of Sarah's mouth in one breath.

Nessie was stunned. She hadn't been invited to anything since the night they all snuck down to the closet to drink. "You're inviting me?" she asked again, still not believing it.

"Yeah. I mean we were kind of hard on you and we all kind of feel bad about what happened. So, if you want to come to the party, it's going to be so cool. There's going to be all these older guys there and everything." Nessie didn't know what to say. Sarah sat looking at her expectantly for a long time. "So if you don't want to come, that's fine," she said, looking slightly disappointed.

"No!" Nessie yelped. "I do want to come. I totally want to come." Nessie knew exactly what she was going to wear. This is what "just in case" dresses were for. Calling her father could wait. If her friends were going to give her another chance, she was not going to blow it this time.

Nessie spent the rest of the week trying desperately to act more human than she ever had. She was aware that she was following Skylar, Tammy, and Sarah around like their pet, but it was much better than being a pariah. She laughed at all their jokes, agreeing with anything they said. The party itself really did sound like fun. There was going to be dancing and boys and the best part was that she would not have Jacob standing over her shoulder the whole time.

The plan was for Carla, Skylar's older sister, to pick the girls up Friday night to sleep over at her apartment. They wouldn't be expected back at the school until Sunday evening. They were going to get ready there and then head over to the party. According to Skylar, Carla's only rule was that they all acted "cool" and didn't embarrass her. Nessie didn't feel as though she was doing too well in the "cool" department, but she felt as though she could pass at a party full of drunken college guys.

Carla picked them up at the school as planned, and then took them to dinner at a pizza place. Jacob had gotten Nessie to try pizza once, but she didn't like it so he had promptly downed the entire thing. She opted for spaghetti and meatballs instead. She ate the meatballs and pushed the rest of the food around on her plate. Carla made a comment about how Nessie needed more than a couple of meatballs and a glass of water, and Nessie realized that this was exactly the type of behavior that was classified as "weird", so she pretended to eat a couple of forks of spaghetti and hid them in her napkin.

When they got back to the apartment, Nessie poured herself into the "just in case" dress and preened in front of the mirror for a few moments, admiring the way it clung to her. After indulging herself, she stepped away. Esme had always told her how important it was not to be boastful or to show off. Nessie took advantage of the opportunity to play with the makeup Emily had bought for her. She dabbed on some light pink lip gloss and considered the mascara, but it seemed too hard to put on so she skipped it and settled for some shimmery eye shadow. She held the compact up to apply it and stopped, staring at her reflection. She had not noticed before but the irises of her eyes, usually a mild amber, had become tinged with a dark scarlet.


	12. Chapter 12

The party itself was in a second floor apartment. The lights were low and the music was loud. A DJ had set up his equipment and was blasting music out through an elaborate system. The middle of the main room had been cleared and people filled the empty space dancing and gyrating. As soon as she walked through the door, a boy wearing a baseball cap backwards walked up to her. "Hey, gorgeous, what's your name?" he asked.

Nessie looked around to make sure he was talking to her. He was. "Nessie," she said.

He laughed. "Like the Loch Ness Monster?" She shrugged. "You want a drink?" he asked, holding up the red plastic cup of beer he was holding.

"Sure," Nessie said. She tried to conjure up images from movies she had seen to try and determine how one flirted.

"Be right back," he said, and disappeared to the back porch.

Her friends, who were giggling and squealing, instantly surrounded Nessie. "Oh my God, he's so cute," Sarah said.

"I think he's in college," Tammy marveled.

For the first time, Nessie was the center of attention rather than an outsider. She relished it. Once the boy came back with her drink, the girls scattered. She could see them watching her jealously from the corner. Feeling insanely grown up all of a sudden, Nessie took a drink from the cup. It burned like fire going down. She coughed a few times and set the beer off to the side.

The boy laughed. "Too strong for you? I'm Danny," he said, sliding an arm around her waist. "And you are a knockout."

"Thanks," Nessie said. His arm felt nice, not as warm as Jacob's, but the physical contact was pleasant. It had been in short supply lately.

"You wanna dance?" he asked.

"Sure," Nessie said. Danny led her into the thick of the dancing. Nessie let the music tell her how to move. Her lithe vampire body was as graceful as a trained ballerina.

"You've got some moves, baby," Danny said. He did something that she supposed qualified as dancing. Really he just had his arms up in the air and was shaking his hips near hers.

A couple of songs later another boy came up to her. "Hey, sugar, don't stick with this loser all night. You want a beer?" the new boy offered.

"No thanks," Nessie said.

"You wanna dance?" he asked.

Nessie glanced back at Danny. He was moving away. She supposed that meant she was free to dance with whomever she wanted. No one was imprinting around here and everything was fair game. She slid closer to the new boy. When the song was over, he invited her upstairs. She declined, and he moved on.

It hardly mattered though, as another boy asked her to dance immediately. Then another, and another. She danced untiringly for almost two hours, the supply of willing partners seemingly to be endless. Trying to act human had required her to forgo all physical exertion. Even when they ran laps in gym class, she would jog as slowly as possible, staying near the back of the pack. All the dancing made her feel wonderful. When Danny reappeared, he was quite a bit drunker than he had been the last time. It was a slow song and he grabbed her and pulled her to him. She allowed him to. She didn't mind that he was drunk, she was just relishing all the attention.

Nessie wrapped her arms around his neck and drank in the intoxicating scent of him. He smelled like blood, warm and rushing and alive. And then he mashed his lips on hers. It was a clumsy kiss and she could taste the alcohol on his breath. It made her throat burn even more. She was so, so thirsty but this boys hands felt so good. Jacob had never kissed her like this.

"Come on," he said and took her hand and began to lead her upstairs. For the first time all night, Nessie didn't decline.

He pulled her into an empty bedroom and locked the door. She sat on the bed and let him push her down and climb on top of her. The weight of his body and his warm hands touching her felt fabulous. And his blood. She could smell his blood. He was kissing her neck. She knew he wanted her and his desire made her head swim. His neck was so close and the blood was so warm and it filled her nose. Nessie grabbed his shoulders with her hands, drawing his neck close to her mouth. She parted her lips, exposing her teeth.

"Ow!" he said and she immediately released him. She hadn't bit him. He was protesting how tightly her fingers were digging into his shoulder. He sat up. He started to say something but Nessie didn't wait to hear it. She was horrified by what she had been about to do; what she couldn't help herself from doing. She had to leave right now. She had to get away from him, away from all these humans and their blood. She crossed the room, yanked open the window and slid out into the night.


	13. Chapter 13

It didn't take Nessie more than 20 minutes to get back to the school, even though it was miles away. Her heart was racing and it had nothing to do with the run. She knew she couldn't control herself anymore. She could not be around humans. She needed to get back to Jacob, but she couldn't wait for him to drive here. She had to leave. Now.

She arrived at the school, leapt up the fire escape to her floor, and threw open the window. The alarm didn't go off, thankfully. They still hadn't fixed it. It was after midnight and the halls were quiet. She went into her room and found her backpack. Her dress smelled like Danny and his blood, so she tore it off herself and threw on some clothes from her hamper. She jammed her feet into a pair of sneakers, not bothering with socks. She tore open the lining of the backpack and stuffed the money into her pocket. She didn't need anything else. She retreated back out the way she had come and began to run towards the train station in Tacoma.

When she got there, the board of departures said that the next train to Forks was at 10am. That was much too late. She needed to leave now.

She ran outside just as a light drizzle began to fall. There was a dilapidated cab parked outside the train station with its driver reading a newspaper behind the wheel. Nessie climbed in the back. The seats, which had lost their padding years before, had springs that jabbed into the backs of Nessie's thighs. She didn't care.

The driver slowly folded his newspaper and set it on the passenger seat. "Where to?" he asked, gruffly. He was about 50 with grey hair. His skin was deeply lined with wrinkles and he wore a flannel shirt with a winter vest over the top.

"Forks," Nessie said.

"Dunno where Forks street is," he said.

"Forks, Washington," she clarified. "The La Push reservation."

The man turned and rested his elbow on the back of the seat, looking at her incredulously. "That's like 200 miles away, lady."

Nessie dug the roll of bills out of her jeans and pressed them into his hand.

He opened the money and counted it quickly. He looked confused. "Are you kidding with this?" he asked.

"That's half," she said, trying to get him to get going. "You get the same amount when you get me there."

The driver flipped on the light inside the cab and held one of the $100's up to it. He apparently decided it legitimate, flipped off the light and pulled out into traffic without another word.

As the drive went on, it began raining harder and harder until the rain was beating down on them in sheets. The car smelled too much like the driver, too much like his blood. Nessie drew her knees up in front of her and buried her face in them, trying to smell herself instead of him. When that didn't work anymore she unrolled a window, ignoring the rain coming into the car.

"You wanna close that, honey?" he grumbled at her.

Nessie ignored the request. He was being well paid. He was getting $6000 for a few hours work. He could live with a little wet. After about an hour and a half, the rain began to let up. They were only about 20 minutes from La Push. Nessie opened her window all the way and leaned back in her seat, holding her head as close to the window as possible, trying to not to smell the driver.

"Can you drive faster?" she demanded.

"If I get a speeding ticket, that's on you," he warned.

"Fine," she answered. He pressed down on the accelerator and she felt the car jolt forward. She was thinking about Jacob, how happy he'd be to see her. Maybe she'd hunt first. That way when she saw him she would be full and satisfied and her eyes would be a buttery amber. She thought about exactly what she'd do. She'd find a large deer or two and drink her fill. Her mouth began to water and the thought of that warm, nourishing blood.

The car bucked as the driver took a pothole too quickly. There was a pop. The tire blew and the car began to skid on the wet pavement. The driver grabbed the wheel, trying to control the car, but they careened off the road, hydroplaning on the slick pavement. They slammed into the guardrail and continued right on down the steep embankment, picking up speed. He tried to hit the brakes, but the tires could find no purchase on the soft ground. The car slammed into a tree. The impact sent him flying forward as far as his seat belt would allow. His cab either didn't have an airbag or it didn't deploy and his head smacked into the windshield. The safety glass crunched and shattered his face on impact. The blood flowed from his ears and nose in rivers. He was slammed back into his seat and a fine mist of blood landed on Nessie's face, filling her nose and eliminating her self-control.

In a split second, Nessie was over the seat. She bit into his neck and drank and drank. It was delicious. It was heaven. It was warm and flowing and sweet.

Nessie sat, staring at the man. His skin was pale and lay loose against his bones. His body was completely drained of blood. His eyes stared blankly at the ceiling, frozen in a grimace of horror. She couldn't move. She had just killed someone. She had human blood inside her stomach, his blood. He was dead because of her. She was a murderer. Nessie pressed her fingers to her lips. This couldn't be true. It couldn't have happened. She would never, never hurt a human. Never.

She hated herself. Loathed every inch of herself and in that moment she even hated her parents for creating her. She was a monster, a bloodsucker. She pressed herself against the passenger door, trying to get as far away from his body as possible. He had no blood. She had taken his blood. Nessie was disgusted. She stuck a finger way down her throat, the way she had seen people do in movies, and heaved. All of the blood came up in a rush. It burned, tearing up her throat. Her mind swam and bright lines flashed across her eyes.

When all of the blood was expelled, weak wasn't even the right word to describe her. She had no strength. She felt sick; a black mist was swallowing up her vision. With an enormous effort she reached into her pocket, found her phone, and punched a number. She laid her head down on the seat as she heard it ring, willing herself to stay conscious for only a few more minutes.


	14. Chapter 14

Jacob lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. He drifted in and out of sleep. It didn't matter much if he was awake or not. With Nessie gone, there was nothing to do. He left his bed only to do his patrols. Sam had taken over the pack as soon as Nessie had left, and once Jacob had returned a week later, it had become obvious to everyone that he was no longer in any shape to lead. He knew they all understood. Almost everyone in pack had imprinted, and those that hadn't had still lived out the imprinting through everyone else's thoughts. They knew that his whole world had come to an end.

His father brought him food once a day and he ate. Someday Nessie would return and he had to have strength for that day. She was out there and as long as she was, he would keep himself alive. But for now he just lay in the dark and thought about every moment they had ever spent together. He thought most of all about that day of the beach when she had kissed him. Why had he pushed her away? He loved her and wanted to, no, he needed to spend the rest of his life with her. If she was ready to start that life, why had it seemed so important to stop her? That one stupid decision, that one moment of thinking that he knew best, had left him alone and miserable.

He had an old voicemail she had left him once when he was on patrol. It was just her saying that she loved him and missed him. She had left it for no reason other than for him to hear it when he finished. It was nothing special. But he had saved it because it was from her. He had listened to it over and over since she was gone, just to hear her voice and especially the little giggle at the end. He was thinking about listening to it again when his phone began to vibrate.

Jacob picked it up and held it in front of his face. The caller Id read "Nessie". Jacob answered the phone, suddenly awake and alive in a way he hadn't been for months. "Nessie?" he said.

"Jacob?" the voice was faint, barely a whisper. It sounded rough, as if she had a bad sore throat. Something was very, very wrong.

"Nessie, where are you?" he demanded, jumping to his feet. He held the phone between his ear and shoulder as he pulled on a pair of pants that, in all honesty, could use a trip through the washing machine.

"Jacob, I'm sorry," Nessie whispered.

"Nessie, tell me where you are," he repeated. He stepped into some boots and began to tie them. His fingers shook.

"There was an accident. Our car…..I killed someone." A sob came loud through the phone.

"What?" he said. He came to a dead stop, holding his breath. He couldn't believe she had said what he thought she had said.

"I…I killed someone." She was whispering, but Jacob had heard her loud and clear. There was no mistake. "I threw up the blood and now I'm sick."

Jacob shut his eyes tight for a moment. "Just tell me where you are."

"Hwy 101. Near Port Angeles," she whispered and then added, "I'm sorry."

"I'm coming to get you," he told her. "Just stay right where you are."

Jacob ran outside, hopped on his bike, and sped out of the driveway. She sounded hurt or sick, he figured she be in no condition to ride on the back of his bike. His dad's car was a heap. He decided to head towards Sam's house.

Even though it was the middle of the night, he banged on the door twice and then let himself in. Sam came sprinting out from the bedroom, pulling up short when he saw Jacob. "It's Nessie," Jake said. "I need your car."

"You need help?" Sam asked, plucking a set of keys from a dish on the counter.

Jake thought for a second. He really had no idea what he was going to find. "Maybe," he said.

Emily had appeared in the bedroom doorway. Sam kissed her quickly and then both men ran to the car and sped away. Jacob let Sam drive while he dialed Carlisle, hoping he would know what to do.

Carlisle didn't answer his phone. He was probably at work or something, so Jacob dialed Bella. Edward ended up answering her phone.

"Nessie's sick," Jacob said, abruptly.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked. "Are you with her?"

"No. She called. She said she had killed someone. She said she threw up the blood and she was sick. I'm going to her right now."

Edward swore under his breath. "Okay," he said, "Bella and I are going to be on the next plane out there. Right now, just make sure she's okay. Give her…" Edward paused for a second, "food," he said, carefully.

Jacob got it. Edward was probably on campus and had to be careful what he said. "Okay," he said. "I'll keep you posted."

"Take care of her," Edward told him.

"I will." Jacob hung up. He told Sam basically what Edward had said. Sam had the accelerator pressed to the floor.


	15. Chapter 15

Nessie sat with her head back against the seat. She felt like she was going to die. Her eyeballs seemed to pulse with pain. The broken guardrail, the car, the blood….it wouldn't be long before someone stopped or called the police or something. She had to get out of here.

She opened the door and practically fell onto the wet glass. Her stomach heaved. She staggered to her feet. The world kept swaying back and forth and waves of nausea flooded her. But she couldn't stay here. Slowly, painfully, she lurched towards the trees. When she finally reached them, she leaned forward against one, panting. She could run for miles and miles, faster than any human, without so much as breathing hard, but now she gasped for breath. She let go and tried to move forward, but fell instead, crashing into the ground. She began to crawl into the woods. It required more energy but less balance.

The phone in her pocket kept vibrating periodically. It was Jacob, she was sure of it. He was trying to contact her, but she had to keep going.

She crawled away from the road as far as she could until another fit of heaving seized her. She sat down with her back against a tree, hoping she wouldn't be seen. The darkness was taking over her vision again. With a trembling finger she hit a few buttons on her phone and then the world faded to black.

Jacob's phone chirped in his hand. It was a text message from Nessie. She had used Google Maps to text him her location. "Good girl," he thought. He had tried to call her over and over, but there was never any answer. It terrified him to think of what might have happened to her.

About a mile from where Nessie's GPS coordinates indicated she was, they could already see police lights. Someone was investigating the accident. "Looks like just one cruiser," Sam said. That was good; the less attention the better.

They passed an old farmhouse. "Pull in here," Jake said. At least having the car parked near some sort of structure would make it appear less suspicious. They did not want to be on the police's radar at all. They got out and began running toward her. "She needs blood," Jacob said. Sam phased into a wolf and set off into the thick of the woods, searching for large game. Jacob didn't need his phone anymore; he could follow her scent.

He found her at the foot of a tree, laying on her side, unconscious. Jacob dashed over to her and gently turned her on her back, putting her head on his leg. Her face was covered in mud and bloody saliva trickled from the corners of her mouth. Her shirt had a brick red stain – blood that was beginning to dry. Her breathing was ragged, her lips were thin and white, and her skin looked unnaturally white.

Jacob ran his hand over the wet grass and used the water to wipe off her face as best he could. "I'm here, Nessie," he whispered to her. "Just don't worry about anything. I'm here."

After what seemed like an eternity, Sam returned, dragging a deer. He had broken the deer's neck, killing it without spilling any of the precious blood. He dragged the neck up to Nessie's face, opened the vein with his sharp wolf teeth, and let the blood flow out. Nessie instinctively turned towards the blood and began to lap at it. Jacob pressed her mouth to the wound and she began to drink deeply.

After a few moments, she reached out and pulled the deer even closer to her. Jacob took that as a good sign. Sam had phased back to human and now was crouched next to Jacob, watching Nessie. "Should I get another one?" Sam asked.

"No," Jacob answered. "Not until I talk to Carlisle. I don't want to do anything to make her sicker."

Once the deer was drained, Nessie rolled onto her back again. Her breath was stronger now and her lips seemed to have some color. He touched her cheek. "Nessie?"

Her eyes opened. "Jake?" she said, her voice still a whisper. He smiled. Tears immediately formed in her eyes. "Oh, Jake, I'm so sorry." The tears began to spill out. Jacob picked her up. "I didn't mean to. I threw up all the blood. I didn't want it in me."

"It's okay," he said as they walked back to the car. "I'm here."

She turned her face into his chest and began to sob. Jacob felt like his heart was being torn out. He had promised himself a second after she was born that she would never feel any pain, would never cry. He felt so helpless.

Sam drove back towards the reservation. Nessie was stretched out on the back seat with her head in Jacob's lap. "I'm sorry," she kept saying over and over, "I'm so sorry."


	16. Chapter 16

Jacob was lying on his small bed with Nessie's head on his chest. She had been either sleeping or crying for almost six hours. He hadn't left her side. She still seemed so weak.

The vampires finally arrive at his house. Carlisle knocked at his bedroom door, but Edward opened it and burst through, pushing past Carlisle. Bella followed Edward, hesitantly. Jacob moved across the room and found a spot in the corner, letting her have some time with her parents.

"Daddy?" Nessie said. She sat up and hugged him fiercely, a new wave of crying hitting her. "Daddy I'm so sorry". She let go of Edward and hugged her mother, who stroked her hair.

Sam was standing in the doorway. He addressed Carlisle. "Should we get another deer?"

"No," Carlisle said. "She needs human blood." He held up the two plastic bags he had in his hand. They were from a blood bank.

He offered one of the bags to Nessie. She took it eagerly, bit through the plastic, and emptied it as if it were a juice box. Carlisle wasn't sure how Jacob felt about them doing this in his house, but no one seemed to be protesting. He handed her the other bag.

This time she hesitated. "Who's blood is this?" she asked.

"Someone who gave it willingly," Carlisle answered.

She looked up at Jacob who nodded imperceptibly. She bit the second bag and drained it as well.

Carlisle took the bags into the kitchen to dispose of them. Edward stroked her hair lovingly. "You look a lot better," he said. He was right. Her cheeks and lips were full of color now. Her eyes were bright and alert.

"I didn't mean to," Nessie explained. "I was just so thirsty. And when the accident happened and his blood got on me…" she trailed off. "I'm so sorry."

Carlisle squatted in front of Nessie. "No. I'm the one who owes you an apology," he said. Nessie began to protest, but Carlisle continued. "I thought that you could survive only on food and that was a terrible mistake on my part. That man paid for my mistake. Any of us would have done the same thing if we got that thirsty."

Nessie looked surprised. "You're not mad?" was all she managed to stammer.

"No," Carlisle said. "But you said you wanted to do this so you could decide what kind of life you wanted. And now you have to decide if you are going to choose to be a vegetarian or not. Because we know now that there's no other choice for you. You will have to hunt to survive."

"I can't decide anything until I've talked to the wolves," she said.

Bella and Edward exchanged glances. Nessie looked at Sam. "Sam, it's your decision. What are you going to do with me? I broke the treaty. I know the law says I deserve to die, but the law also says that you can't destroy me because of Jacob. So what are you going to do?"

Sam shook his head. "The treaty only applies to the reservation. You haven't done anything wrong."

"Nessie," Jacob said, "no one blames you for this. You are what you are. This was an accident."

Nessie studied everyone in turn: Jacob, Sam, Carlisle, Edward, and Bella. She finally settled on Carlisle. "I want to be a vegetarian," she said. "I never want to hurt anyone else."

"Good," Carlisle said. "That's what we all hoped you would say."


	17. Chapter 17

"So, what happens now?" Nessie asked. She and Jacob were curled up together on the beach. Jacob looked down at her slender ankle. She wore a silver chain around it with the Cullen family crest on it. Each member of the family had one. Edward wore his as a wristband. Bella had hers on the charm bracelet she always wore. And now he had given Nessie one attached to an ankle bracelet. The crest represented their commitment to their lifestyle.

"I was thinking maybe your should give high school another shot," he said.

"No thanks," Nessie scoffed.

"Hear me out. I'm talking about you going to school nearby. You'll be able to hunt as much as you need to."

Nessie shook her head. "Doesn't matter. Everyone hated me."

"They didn't hate you."

"Oh yes they did. They thought I was weird."

"You just didn't have anyone there to help you fit in. I could go with you this time."

"As what? My brother?" she asked.

"I was thinking more like maybe your boyfriend."

She shrugged and toyed with his shirt. "You would pretend to be my boyfriend?"

He put his finger under her chin and lifted her eyes to meet his. "I wouldn't be pretending," he said and gave her a soft, gentle kiss. When he pulled away her eyes were huge with surprise and delight. "You know," he said, "I never apologized to you. I was so determined to keep you a child that I didn't notice what an amazing young woman you've become. I'm sorry for that."

"I'm sorry too. For trying to move too fast. I wasn't ready for…any of that," she said waving a hand to indicate everything that had happened recently.

"So, maybe we can just take this slow?" he suggested.

She nodded. "Nice and slow," she agreed.

He kissed her again and then pulled something out of his pocket. "I made one just like it for your mother a long time ago." It was a small wolf carved out of wood.

"It's beautiful," she said. Jacob reached down and attached it to her anklet.


	18. Chapter 18

Charlie took a sip of beer while he stood at the bottom of the stairs next to Jacob, who was straightening his tie. The situation was much too familiar to him: a teenage girl, an eager boy. How did he get himself in these messes? Bella had asked him to take in her adopted daughter who was attending high school, despite the fact that she was less than five years old. That fell into the category of things that Charlie would rather not ruminate on. Jacob had been coming by every morning to drive her to school. It was Edward all over again.

Tonight was the prom. Charlie took another sip of beer. Nessie descended the stairs. She wore a small blue shimmering dress and a pair of heels that she glided in. Charlie couldn't imagine why anyone would buy their daughter a dress like that.

He looked at Jacob whose expression was that of a man seeing the sun for the first time. Charlie shook his head. He clapped a hand around Jacob's shoulders, "Jake, my boy," he said, "I trust you completely. But just keep in mind," he leaned and spoke directly into Jacob's ear, " I do have a gun."

Jacob offered his arm to Nessie, kissed her, and they went out to the van, not taking their eyes off each other. Charlie stood in the open doorway. "I'm not kidding about the gun!" he yelled as they drove away.


End file.
